the 4 queen commandments


Understanding your purpose


Refocusing your energy


Strengthening your self belief


Living life on your own terms


So I am a huge psych nerd, and when I was thinking about what it meant to live a more unapologetically self-confident life, I couldn't help but think of what Abraham Maslow describes as being self-actualization within his hierarchy of needs theory.


Maslow and his hierarchy of needs theory changed the game in the world of motivational psychology. He developed a five-stage psychological theory identifying what he believed were key human needs for a boss-ass life. He then categorized the five stages into 3 groups (basic needs, psychological needs, and self-fulfillment needs). He believed that people were only motivated to go up a level once they satisfied their lower level needs, with the ultimate goal being to reach a state of self-actualization.

yes queen

Maslow believed that self-actualization, which is living your life to its fullest potential, was the top motivator for human progression. However, he also noted that the rise and attainment of self-actualization was not stable. A grand or even slight change in a person's environment (divorce, bullying, domestic violence, etc) could knock one down a level until the needs of that deficient level were met.

Maslow's theory resonated so strongly with me because of my innate passion to motivate others to want to become the best versions of themselves. But as I really started to examine the different needs, I couldn't help but notice that needing to fulfill many of the lower level stages (like physical safety, high self-esteem, and strong relationships) often left women at a constant disadvantage when attempting to achieve a more unapologetically self-confident life. Given that our society has created a culture that constantly attempts to inhibit women from getting adequate access to the basic and psychological needs outlined in Maslow's theory, women tend to have a much harder time achieving self-actualization. 

While finding the time to become your most unapologetic and confident self is ideal, and seems so necessary in theory, in real life however, women are often too bogged down with both pressing concerns (like trying to preserve reproductive rights) and bullshit-ass concerns (like worrying about being married at an arbitrary age) in order to devote any real time or energy towards becoming the person that they've always wanted to be.

Many women have never had an equal opportunity to reach self-actualization, and my solution to this problem is the 4 Queen Commandments. 

Part of how I imagined motivating the average person to get one step closer towards self-actualization is by using the 4 Queen Commandments to redefine one's purpose in a way that gives their goals a greater sense of understanding, urgency, importance and tangibility. I believe that honing in on these ideals will give people the unwavering confidence to stick to, and make time for the choices that will most fulfill them. 

In my mind, at the core of self-actualization, and living a more self-confident life is one's ability to make clear, controlled, confident, choices that leave them with nothing to feel sorry about or to question. It is about being able to live a life free of self-doubt and second-guesses, and doing something for your life because it feels 100% right by you. To me, that is the greatest example of living life to its fullest potential. But as I'm sure you're all wondering, how exactly do we get to a place where we can live a more self-actualized life each day, and make more unapologetic choices?