To learn more about the foundation of the confidence commandment, and how to best apply it to your own life, please either watch the video and/or read the commentary provided below.
Once you have clarity and control over a situation, the next step towards crafting your unapologetic persona is building confidence. Clarity sets the foundation, and Control is about redefining and redirecting your focus. The Confidence Commandment is all about eradicating the guilt that can come with taking control over your life. When you decide to live your life on your own terms, it is important to acknowledge that prior to that moment, you were living your life on someone else's terms (your parents, a significant other, a supposed "friend", the negative voice in your head). So as you learn to take power back for yourself, you also have to know that you are taking power away from someone else; the person who was controlling you before you stepped in. And that is going to cause some uproar. No one likes to relinquish power easily, and it is up to you to build the strength to let those people know that you are taking control over your life for good.
This is where your open honesty and willingness to dissect all types of information about your position (be it good or bad) is pivotal during the clarity stage. If you open yourself up to answer all of the difficult questions about a particular situation, it creates the most viable foundation on which your confidence has the best opportunity to grow strong and deep roots. Daysha has identified moments in which she was feeling least confident as moments in which she was unsure or didn't know enough information to take a definitive stance on something. She has also seen it in times where people have asked her tough questions or made cynical criticisms, in which she knew she should have thought deeper about the pushback prior to that moment, and chose not to.
There is a popular saying that goes "the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference." The intention behind this saying is that whether or not you love or hate someone, they are still eliciting a strong emotion out of you. So they are not so much the opposite of each other as they both involve someone expressing an intense emotion, while indifference represents an entirely different state of mind. With that consideration, Daysha believes that, "the opposite of confidence is not timidness. It's not knowing shit." Confident people and timid people could still know the same information, they just go about expressing it differently. But someone that doesn't have any idea about what they are talking about does not have a solid foundation on which their confidence can optimally develop. While it can very much look like some bullshitters are confident, most times they are actually using an inflated form of their ego, otherwise known as arrogance, to appear confident. True confidence comes from knowledge and power, and both of those things can only be achieved when one has clarity and control in their lives.
UNAPOLOGETIC RECKLESSNESS VS. UNAPOLOGETIC FIERCENESS
Daysha firmly believes that it is important to recognize the difference between unapologetic recklessness and unapologetic fierceness when developing your confidence. She often asks herself the following when developing her own unapologetic perspective on a situation:
Am I attempting to be unapologetic in this moment because I want the freedom to be careless about how my words/actions impact others? Am I trying to advance that my words/actions are above public critique even though my words/actions might create physical and/or mental harm for others? Am I looking to gratify the belief that my words/actions don't deserve to have repercussions?
Answering yes to one or all of those questions means that you are on the quest for unapologetic recklessness. Daysha does not support seeking out unapologetic recklessness, as she believes that it is looking for permission to not be held accountable for one's actions, and promoting a life lacking remorse and empathy. It is basically a heifer that is using the unapologetic movement as an excuse to be an asshole.
However, if you are attempting to be unapologetic in this moment because you want to make choices that leave you with nothing to be sorry for, and you are tired of feeling guilty for choices that have little to no impact on the lives of those around you, and you are willing to acknowledge that all actions come with repercussions, but how we feel about those repercussions is totally up to us, then you are definitely ready to start living a life of unapologetic fierceness.
Remember that everyone is allowed to have their opinions, but you are also allowed to not give a fuck about that opinion. You get to decide how many fucks you have to give, or whether this situation is even worthy of your fucks in the first place. The unapologetic confidence is in your hands.