Monday Motivation: Don't Worry About Other People's Timelines
So a few years ago, I had an old "friend" from high school reach out to me to catch up. We didn't end high school on the best note, and after attending a seminar, he felt inspired to reach out and make amends for what had happened.
I was quite caught off guard, but receptive nonetheless. We had a long chat about what our paths had been like post high school, and I eventually brought up how I was pursing a career in entertainment/media.
He thought it was an interesting choice for a career, and got really fixated on asking me about what I planned to do after I left school. At the time, I honestly had no clear cut idea as to how things would turn out for me. But I did know that I wanted to at least give this career path a decent shot.
So we hung up the phone, and a few days I got a text from him that read,
"If I don't see you in the credits for a major film in the next 3 years..."
"And if you don't see it what's gonna happen?" I replied.
"I'm going to tell you to reconsider your plan and/or execution" he said.
And all I could think in that moment was "heffas got A LOT of nerve these days!" I couldn't believe that someone who I used to consider a friend could not only try to impose doubt on my career path, but also put a timeline on when was appropriate for me to achieve my success.
In this moment I had a choice. I could engage him, and tell him a thing or two about himself for thinking he had a right to make any opinions on my life...
Or I could use that energy, and put it towards making my career moves.
I ended up choosing not to reply, and I haven't spoken to him since. But when I saw this graphic that was promoting my appearance at BLOGHER '18 the other day...
It made me think about this exchange we had over 4 years ago. While I'm nowhere near a movie credit, and it's well past his 3 year limit, I gotta say I'm not really that bothered or doing too badly for myself.
Like boy, my picture is literally above my entrepreneurial queen crush, Jessica Alba, and diagonal from one of the most amazing black actresses of my childhood, Gabrielle Union, amongst many other powerful women in politics, entertainment, and entrepreneurship. As far as I'm concerned, I would like to #RealTalk say fuck his timeline, ok?
So I bring this up because as you continue on your quest towards building your self-confidence and developing your own sense of unapologetic fierceness, you have to know that you're gonna encounter people like my "friend" who are going to try and make you question yourself; they're going to try and make it seem like you're making the wrong choices and that they know you and your circumstances better than you do.
And to that I'm gonna say again...
I'm telling you, Queen, no one know you better than you do. Even when you're scared, or confused, or not sure (all feelings I have experienced while building my own self-confidence) the one person that I have always unapologetically counted on to know what I want, and to get me to that next level is...
Self-belief and determination to see your goals come to fruition (especially in the face of opposition) are key when developing self-confidence. So as you go forth and #ReimagineMonday, I would ask for you to think about the last time someone made you doubt yourself.
- Did you follow their "advice"?
- How did it end up working out for you?
- If you experienced any feelings of regret or remorse for giving into their doubt tactics, I want you to take a deep breath in, down into your belly, and when you let it out, I want you to visualize also letting out those feelings.
And I want you to do it again, and again, all while repeating "my past does not define me. It directs me." Continue to do this until you start to feel more centered.
And then check out this article on 10 things you can do right now to help build your self-confidence.
Much love, peace, and unapologetic fierceness, my Queens!