Monday Motivation: You Are Not Just A Character In Your Life Story...

So if I can have a moment of #RealTalk with y'all for a second...

Being an entrepreneur can suck. Yep. I said it.

And it's not that I hate what I'm doing. Working on Yes Queen fills me with a sense of purpose, drive, and determination that I haven't felt in a long time. But being true to my “opti-realist” nature, while I love what I'm doing overall, I have to admit that it can really make me want to snatch my wig off some days. And while on most days, I can drudge through the pain from missing deadlines, the no follow-up emails, and the shity comments, I can't lie and say that there aren't sometimes where I get swept up in a negativity tornado, and it feels like my feet will never touch the ground again.

I was going through one of those negativity tornadoes the other day because a friend brought up an old negative work situation-- with no malicious intent on her part. And while I have often worked very hard to put this event behind me, after I hung up with her, I couldn't help but feel my insecurities swelling up around me.

Deep in my heart, I know how much Yes Queen means to me, and what I am willing to sacrifice to make it as big as it can be. But after my friend brought up this old memory, it made me start to question how well-prepared I was for the future I wanted.

But after calling another friend, who encouraged me to meditate and reset my thoughts, my mind immediately made me remember my compass letter.

A few summers ago a really good friend of mine threw what she called a pleasure party (now I know what you're thinking, and it definitely was not that lol).

The purpose of this pleasure party was to unearth why women feel so uncomfortable acknowledging when they take pleasure in something-- be it sexual, or career-related, or food-related, etc. They really made me pause, and look for clarity about why I feel such discomfort in receiving loving energy, or doing things that make me happy, or that force me to take up space.

Then after doing a series of exercises that were aimed at reimagining our relationship with the word pleasure, at the end of the night we each took a note card, and wrote a letter to ourselves. After we finished our letter, we put it in an envelope, and passed the envelope around the room so that other women could write positive affirmations about us on the envelope.

So now bringing it back to the other day, after I had come down from my negativity tornado, and I took a moment to meditate so as to put myself in a better head space, I held on to the wise words of my friend which were, “you need to stop choosing negativity. You need to start choosing to put your energy in the right places. You can't touch your past. It is set in stone, and you need to stop trying. But you can change your present, which can give you a future that you can be proud of. Focus on your now. What can you do right now?”

So after I let her words sink in, and I thought about what could I do right now, I immediately grabbed my letter, opened it up, and let it remind me how much I really did know me.

It read...

yes queen

So as we think about reimagining our Mondays (and every other day in our week) so as to bring more joy and self-fulfillment to our every day, I highly encourage you all to write your own compass letter to yourself. Write yourself a letter that reaffirms the power that I know lives so deeply and boldly within you. I want you to write this letter so as to remind yourself in your times of struggle that you know who you are, what your purpose is, and what you want to do with your life.

The letter should include:

a positive affirmation that you acknowledge about yourself --> can get as vague or specific as you want; "I'm so dope", "I'm a Boss Queen", and "I'm an eyeliner slayer" are all great examples.

an aspiration that you are now choosing to reaffirm its possibility in your life --> maybe you want to start a business, or finish your novel, or make a podcast-- whatever it is that you decide to write, just remember to make it something that can be largely measure by the amount of effort that you put into it. So, for example, you can finish writing your book, but you can't make your book an NYT bestseller; how many copies that get bought determine that. Focus your energy on the things that you have control over.

a confirmation statement of your newly defined destiny -->  as you can see in my letter, my confirmation statement reminds me that the life that I want is waiting for me to live it, but whether or not I get it is based off of the choices that I make. It is based off of what I think I'm worthy of getting. And it ends with me confirming that I am worth the path that I am willing to decide I am worth. I give myself agency, but also accountability.

This is a letter that will help to guide you, and hold you down through all of your negativity tornadoes, and indecisive forks in the road because it will serve as a reminder that no one has your back the way that you have your back; no one knows what you want more than you know what you want; and no one knows who you are better than you know who you are.

That, to me, is the real key to self-confidence. It's not just about the clothes you wear, or the friends you keep (these are important factors, but not at the core). In my eyes, self-confidence begins when you decide to trust who you are, what you're about, and that you know you better than anyone else. Self-confidence is about remembering that you are both the character, and the author in the grand story that is your life, and that you get to decide how you face your obstacles.

I know how hard it can be to choose to be positive, Queens. I struggle with making that choice on a daily basis-- especially because sometimes negativity can present itself in situations that I have no control over -- like shitty comments or when brands don't follow up on deals. 

But if there is any lesson that I am learning on this entrepreneurial journey that I have been on, it is that your energy is a powerful, but precious resource. So be good to it. Take care of it. Put some of it into your compass letter, and let it recharge you when you need it. Don't invest it in negativity-- negativity will never serve you. Now that doesn't mean that you can't ever be upset, or scared, or frustrated. Negativity will always find its way into our lives, but remember that we are the ones that decide whether or not it will make a home out of us. Don't let it get cozy.